blankmfslate

They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush... but I'll tell you: two in the hand is pretty nice.

My sweet ex, and Miss Clinically Fuckable.  My sweethearts, my dears.  How I love to bring them pretty things, cook them good food, and maul them within an inch of their lives.  Is that so wrong?

The other day I was in bed with my ex, who's not so ex anymore, so I have to come up with another name for her.  How about... SpankBait.  Or Spanks for short. She'd like that.  If she ever read this.  Which she won't. 

Anyway, spanks likes to play this game where she's a drunk girl who fell asleep on a pile of coats at a party, and I am the unethical bastard who discovers her there semi-conscious, and gradually talks myself into raping her in every conceivable way while she lays there harmlessly. 

We're still in a "non-fucking" part of our relationship, so on the time I'm about to relate, it was everything but that.

Usually all she has to say is one thing like, "You come into the room and she's totally passed out in one of the beds," and I know what that means.

Spanks is a very skinny girl.  Her tits are like soft little plums and her body is literally like butter soft from head to toe.  I normally like pretty meaty girls, but for some reason spanks knows how to do me just right.  So when she says this, I usually get pretty excited. 

I talk everything out.  "Oh my god that girl is hot.  Hey... Hey... are you awake?  Hey?" 

I smack her face lightly a few times.  She must be on roofies or something.

"This party is kinda boring anyway.  Hey, you sure you're not awake?"

I lay down next to her.  She is breathing deeply.  I kiss her cheek and lay one hand noncalantly on a breast.  "I can't believe I'm doing this.  This is totally illegal and fucked up."

I reach under her shirt (spanks never wears a bra) and feel her up.  Then, emboldened, I start to feel her up everywhere.  Everywhere on her whole body.  I roll over onto her and kiss her mouth deeply.  I climb on her and hump into her, my cock grinding into her cunt and leg.

Finally I am so excited I can hardly see straight.  She lays there like a feast for me.  I can do whatever I like.  I'm hungry for more... just touching her through her clothes is not enough.  I want to see her naked body, her naked ass, molest her, do things I would never ask a girl to let me do... fuck her, fuck her ass.

I go over to the door and quietly lock it.  The party is thumping dully downstairs.  Then I slowly pull down her pants and panties and smell her sweet cunt as it reveals itself to me.  I pull her pants down over her ankles and she doesn't move at all, just a naked twat before me in a thin shirt, which I pull off as well.

There she is, naked and unconscious.  I can do anything I want to her.  I pull her arms and she flips over with a flop.  Her ass is so hot, and she can't tell me what to do with it or not.  I shuck off my pants and lay on top of her, letting my cock settle in between her ass cheeks.  I reach around and grab both of her tits, one in each hand as I start to press my dick in between her ass cheecks.

When that drives me insane I fill my hand with spit and rub it all over my cock head.  She lays there patiently.  I rub my cock head all over her soft ass crack and around the whole.  She lies unmoving.  I am quivering with excitement and I press my cock head against her asshole.  I press and feel my cock stretch her opening, but I don't quite breach.  I am crazy.  I am instane with desire.  I don't care about anything I just want to use this sweet creature's body to come.

I turn her over again and kiss her wet, unmoving mouth.  I kneel on either side of her shoulders and bring my quivering cockhead up to her lips.  I press the glans to her lips.  Her jaw is slack, her lips part a little. 

I reach down with my hand and push her chin slightly downward.  Her teeth part a little and I start to tell her how much I want to rape her sweet mouth.  I feel her shudder involuntarily.  I slide my cock in slowly and grab the bedboard with my hands. 

My sweet spanks, she doesn't move.  Even when I push my cock in to the back of her throat, slowly, further than I ever have she makes nary a nag or a peep.

I begin to fuck her warm mouth... she doesn't suck with her lips so I'm mainly using her throat and the roof of her mouth.  I don't think of anything else but getting off.  I look down and see her pretty slack face and I'm shaking.  I thrust into her and fuck to my heart's delight until finally I come in her, and she awakes to swollow and look me in the eyes.

For a little while there I was dating a girl with Vulvar Vestibulitis.  After she had a child, sex became very painful, and she stopped doing it for the most part.  She had some kind of treatment recently that might have helped, but she didn't actually try her tender little vulvar vestibule our on any actual cocks since then.

I like this lady.  She's 37 and has a kid, which ended up feeling kinda rough though.  I guess we liked each other too much for me to credibly think it could be a casual thing, and for various reasons, I didn't feel like I could continue hanging out with her and pretending otherwise.  Also I didn't, also for various reasons, feel like I should get something real started with her.

So I broke up with her.

She asked for one more hangout so we could talk it out and she could ask her questions, and expressed regret that she didn't test out her (in her words) "clinical fuckability" before we parted ways.  When we hung out for our final breakup date, chilling on the beach, she said, "Well, how about that clinical fuckability anyway?"

It wasn't long before we had a deal to hang out for the night, whether or not there was a concrete goal of vetting said vestibule.

Well, it was of course the hottest and most wonderful sexual encounter we'd yet had, and she did indeed, yes, lower said vestibule down on me.  I looked up at her after a few moments of her attentions and said, "I think you're more than clinically fuckable."  Which is actually kinda romantic in my book.

She left me a nice note in the morning, and I find myself relieved but also sad that we're broken up.  I hope I made the right decision.

Okay, shit, well now that that dry spell is over.  I guess calling Nurse Large and hitting some nice solid ass was the way to turn on the tap.

So first of all let's talk about my very first one night stand: DethStoner. 

What's that you say?  Why Mr. Slate, you are well known to be Slutty McSlutterson from Slutland, how can it be that you've never gone home with a stranger from a bar?

Well, I just don't do it.  I'm a little too skittish (and classy!  and patient!) to blow a chance at regularly being able to hit a quality piece of ass   I'd rather hold out for the long game and get a number for later. 

I was feeling nice and troublesome at a local exclusive goth club.  It's not usually my scene but this night I was done up in fishnets and other nasty spiked gear assembled and borrowed from dear friends with way more goth in 'em than me.

After chafing the hell out of my feet for awhile by dancing in crazy spiked boots (for which I still bear scars) I decided to take a break and go chill at the pool table.  I signed up on the chalkboard and saw a lone girl sitting nearby.  I plopped my semi-drunken ass next to her and said something to the effect of, "Can I enlist you as 'waiting-for-the-pool-table-company'"?  I know, it's like, the tenderest pick up line ever.  But we were trading barbs with an arm around each other inside of 10 minutes.  After 45 minutes she was asking me what needed to happen logistically for me to end up in her bed.

I made some inqueries and found out.  She was rolling with her sister and I found myself packed in the backseat of a van with one soft breast in my hand and DethStoner hooking me up with some very nice drunken, "I'm so glad you're coming over to my house" kisses.

When we got to her house (mercifully within walking distance of my own, I noted) she introduced me to the dogs and fam.  We all sat around the living room and smoked way too much weed.  Finally, she excused herself to go pick up her room.  She tool a half an hour, which was funny cause her room was trashed when I got up there.  In a very candid conversation on the house I told her I had the herpes and we had a very lucid discussion of risk factors.

I got her out of those clothes like more than immediately and set about to make taking me home worth her while.  She let down a jumble of hair and I dove into her with delight.  She kept reaching down to open her labia wide and scratched my face twice with her crazy queen rings.  "Hey," I said, "you gotta take those rings off!"  She grabbed them with two quick pulls and I got back to work.

An hour later, probably 3am and I'm pretty bushed.  She's been fishing around intermittently on the floor for a condom and she finally just turns on the light and gets one.  She palms it and lays back down.

"Are you going to fuck me?" she says.

Alcohol on my breath, and tired from dancing, smoking dope and mauling this woman I say, stupidly but gamely, "I'll try."

With a snort of disdain she says again, "Are you going to fuck me?"

"Yes."

And I do.  She likes it rough and reaches back to get a hand on my throat roughly a couple of times.  It's really not my favorite thing, and I like to be the one doing the manhandling so I grab the back of her head and push it roughly down into her futon.  Her belly is flat against the futon and I smack her ass hard and tell her, "Get that up in the air."

I screw her cruelly and I can see that's what works for her.  We try a little bit of this and that, and later, she kinda chokes me one more time.

I quit fucking her immediately.  "I've had enough of that," I say wearily. 

She smiles.  "You're a good man," she says.

We play for a little longer and I go back to getting all up in her nappy dugout.  She calibrates me as to the proper bite tension for her nipples and finally I really get my groove on and come with her wrapped around me.

I'm fairly spent...light is peeking through the window a little.  She makes it clear I am not yet released from service.  I like her... she's courageous and not afraid to get hers.  I love her up some more until even she and her cunt are tired.

In the morning I realize...yes...I don't know her name.  I don't care though.  I'm not embarrassed...we did it like that on purpose.  We went out for a slightly uncomfortable coffee and breakfast.  I'm always too tired and crusty in the morning to get sexual...I wish I could do it but I just can't unless coaxed in a very sweet way.

I did call her and leave her a message thanking her for the sweet sweet bootie.  I always do that.  It's only right.

On IM yesterday afternoon before me and Nurse Large (names changed to...) had plans:

Blanc Slate: I'm stoked.  You're pretty fun to have a beer with.
Nurse Large: Beer
Her: and sex....hahahaha
Me: Yeah.  beer and sex.
Her: I don't know where we're gonna go.  Maybe the Swizzle Stick?
Me: Sounds proper.
Her: cool
Her: are you able to just stay the night so I dont have to run you home late? see how I just assume how stuff is gonna go down..HAHAH
Me: Yes. I don't mind talking about it. I'm perfectly happy to end up in your bed with my cock in you. I just didn't want to assume myself.
Her: well I just figured thats what would happen.......so why beat around the bush..HAH
...
Her: ok I gotta run...I will see you at 9, call me if something happens
Me: will do
Me: I'm changing it in my calendar to: Beer and Sex wih Nurse Large
Her: Hahahahaha
Me: I did
Her: You're so funny
Me: See if you think I'm so hilarious with my cock in you

So hey, it's been awhile since I finally managed to hook up with one of my last remaining bootie options.  She's a fine girl named Nurse Large, cause she is a nurse, and...well, she's pretty large.  Large enough the it significantly changes the physical mechanics of sex.  She sure is funny though.

We had dinner and our beers and went home.  You know, some big women have kinda small breasts, but not the Nurse.  She has two astoundingly generous dollops.  There are those who say "anymore than a handful is a waste".  Well, frankly motherfucker, I beg to differ.  I mean, I like a handful.  I even like less, especially if the nipples are nice and pronounced, as they often are with tiny jibblies.  But these huge melons are well over two handfuls apiece and I am able to use them to fairly good advantage. 

Like, for instance, I can either
a) have both hands on one, and still have one left for the mouth
b) just wrap a whole arm around each one while I'm on top
c) so few girls REALLY have the jugs to do it, but this girl has twice what she needs to press them together and have quite a sea of juicy flesh to plunge into

So, don't talk to me about waste, motherfucker!  I am efficient!

Anyway, Nurse Large is pretty cool and nasty.  She doesn't really like to be dominated or spanked but she is totally game for whatever, which is nice.  We get under the covers and there is a whole lot of agreeable woman there.  It was a little disconcerting at first, but she does know how to get her groove on.

More memories from back when I could find girls that were into sleeping with me:

1. She used to hold her legs open so wide.  She'd just grab onto both knees and almost fold herself flat.  She would just let me work her over, grabbing for whatever morsel I thought would excite both of us most.  Later I realized how much a woman has to love you to really open herself up so fully like that.  I appreciated it in a certain way at the time, but now I appreciate it even more. 

2. She actually liked anal sex just as much as the regular kind I guess.  She just wanted to be slapped and told nasty things and then fucked in the ass.  She didn't like her hair pulled though because that hurt too much the next day.  She liked to be smacked so much, not just her ass, but her tits and even her face.  It takes a lot of skill and sensitivity to slap someone in the face and do it just right.  Her eyes would just light up when I did it, though.

3. I actually have spent some time with this girl recently.  When we were together we had pretty much vanilla sex and always used a condom.  She was young and it was nice for us to just have regular, fun athletic sex.  I remember her thighs were muscular and furry and I just loved plunging into her.  She had such a nice comforting bootie.

4. We never had sex.  She just liked to be kissed and whipped mainly.  I would touch her and make her face get all red and squirm, but never penetrate her.  She didn't want to take any risk with herpes so we had to get more creative.  But anything that didn't involve mucous membranes she was cool with.  She was the first girl I really gave hand job instruction to.  I personally think it's kind of a hard thing to train a girl on, but she was a good learner and I got her to make me come both with lube and without (very challenging!).  She wanted to see some good porn, so I downloaded a bunch and then I took her on a little tour of good porn.  She was really touched.  I think I have good taste in porn.  I don't like plastic people doing 6 plastic positions.  I like juicy girls and breasts that sway, not twang.

5. She could really only come on her tummy.  Funny how I get affectionate about certain things, but I sure did like her yummy ass against my tummy.  She was nice to just screw so sweetly and then reach around to her little pussy and work it in concert with my cock to make her explode in little squirms beneath me.

6. We were an illicit thing, and we never had sex.  We just had a couple of furtive dates and would drink too much and have sexy conversation.  We didn't even kiss but our eyes just burned a hole in each other.  We'd give each other long longing hugs and lean into each other with our crotches and just make each other so goddamn hot without even really doing anything.  Then, one time we did fall to the ground and kiss like little demons.  I held her lovely breasts and ass because I really knew I just had this one chance.  It was lovely, I let my finger just brush so gently against her vulva and I felt her shudder of "hello".  But we knew that was as far as we could go, and we got up and brushed the pine needles off of us.

Okay, fuck this.  For a fucking sex blog there has been precious little explicit action.  And frankly that's what I'm here for.  So since there's no current explicit action, I'm afraid I must recount some <strong>past</strong> explicit action.

So, I want to give props to two women cocksuckers I have known in my life.

My girl fortunata76 put up a post about whether it's ethical for women to suck cock from a feminist perspective but I argue that cocksucking is very ethical.  It's just an act of generousity, and it's an act of generousity for which I laud and appreciate the women who have shown it to me.

Plus, it seemed to work for them, right?

So like I was saying, let's talk about some girls who LIKED sucking cock.  Girls are NOT in chronological order.

Girl 1.  Let's call her dragon girl.  What a skinny little wisp of a thing she was.  Strong though.  She gave a very straightforward and totally effective blowjob.  She was like, "I got a job to do." and she would not deviate from that course.   We used to go out sometime and she'd have one Guinness and then be hungry for Guinness-flavored cock.  Like, she'd have to have that shit before we even got home, usually in the car. 

Girl 2.  She just couldn't waste a good hard cock on her mouth.  She sucked it once or twice, but she was fairly strict that hard cocks all went in her pussy immediately. 

Girl 3. God bless you girl did you know how to take a cock.  This girl sucked me so wonderfully that I actually cried once.  She just really knew how to let me slide myself in and take me however I gave it to her.  So amazing.  But she was into phish.  So no way.  Damn.

Girl 4.  She was such a nasty girl and totally liked to be violated in every way... just couldn't keep her teeth out of the way.  However, SHE liked seriously nasty ass sex so we had other ways to keep us busy, honestly.  Working that girl's ass was truly a joy.  She could take it just like a pussy.  And I was merciless with her.  She completely worshipped my cock.  It's truly too bad she was SUCH a pain in the ass as well. 

Girl 5. Also a pussy girl only.  She was so damn vanilla (and I knew she'd been a wild girl in the past) but her vanilla was so yummy.

Okay.  That should be explicit enough.

One time when I was a teenager, not long out of virginity, a friend of mine was bitching about not having a nice girlfriend for sexual gratification.  I asked him (devil's advocately) what a girl could do to him that he couldn't do to himself. 

He only thought about it for a moment.  "Surprise myself," he said. Oooh.  Good one.  I always remembered that, but really that's not such a high premium for me. 

I just realized the other day that something is, though.

The last girl I made come (helped come?  assisted in coming?) laid out languidly on my bed afterwards.  She had just come back from vacation in another state with her family.

"Man," she said, "that's just what I needed."

"Not much room for privacy out there on the East Coast?"

"I made myself come twice when I got home, but it doesn't really give you that...afterglow."

I realized she was right.  Sometimes I can get myself to have quite a mindblowing orgasm that shudders my whole body like lightning and thunder.  But when it's done I feel like all business, cleaning up and ready to do the next thing.

But, somehow it's different when there's been some involvement with another person who really joined their energies and pulled it out of me.  It's such a powerful physiological and psychological difference.  That time, afterwards, feeling like a fat and happy cat sitting in the sun, fed and rested.  Sometimes, taking that dreamy short nap where the whole world fades away and you come to a few minutes later with the memory of everything being okay for a little while.

That's what I can't make happen by myself.

I didn't start by whipping it out and just manhandling it with my hand.  I actually came for the first time by accident almost.  I was in 6th grade, it was after school, and I was in the gymnasium watching other kids play kickball. 

My gradeschool had these huge bleachers, like maybe 20 or 25 feet high.  When folded up into their cabinet form, they took up little space, but you could scale them like a cannon and sit up top.  One days I was just laying on my stomach, watching for a long time, when I noticed the sensation of my cock and belly against the hard wood of the bleachers. 

It felt so good to be looking out calmly over the other kids, and just gently pressing myself into the wood of the high bleachers.  No one even seemed aware of me being up there.  I felt it building and building and finally BAM it hit me in waves my first little come. 

I had such a nice feeling about it.  I was happy I'd had that experience.  My first little

So I was starting to think it would be nice to have someone to hang out with on Sundays. Right before my birthday, this girl emailed me and asked to be invited to my party. We had a mutual friend. She said I looked cute (myspace) and that she liked kissing.  I gladly sent her an invitation and said hi.

I asked my friend about her and he said she was cool.  I almost emailed her again and asked her out but I just figured I'd see her on my birthday and not to worry about it.  I saw her picture.  She was pretty cute.  Well, she called me and basically said she wanted to hang out... like on Sundays.

"Well," I said, there's a Sunday coming up. 

She came over all bashful and just wanted to be close.  She had on a nice cotton hippie skirt and kinky superfine jewish hair and totally jewish nose.  She smiled all over the place and her lips were full and soft.  She kissed like a deep sea diver...she really went for gold.  We were always happy to see each other.

We never really had sex-sex for real (what do you fucking call it?  coitus?) but man she really was one of the most wonderful cocksuckers ever to cross my path.  She would just fit those big lips to my cock and let me do it dirty like I do.  Right away she made it clear she was into serving and right away I made it clear that I was willing to tell her what to do.  She loved to let me hold her hair in one hand and one soft tit in the other and just get my groove on. 

One time, she came over and I was wearing this floppy hat and I just left it on while she sucked my cock.  I've never worn a fuzzy hat like that while I was messing around with someone, and she just sucked me so sweet and responsive that when I came I realized I had tears in my eyes.

She hadn't really explored any kind of sexual power dynamics and so I would talk to her about the possibilities and ask her which way her secret tastes ran.  One night she told me it really seemed like part of it for her to dress up.  I told her to go in the bedroom and come up with something.  It was like a plaid skirt and a slutty t-shirt she could hardly keep on.  The shoes were black.  I punished her a little, jokingly, then we calmed down for awhile.  

We talked about one fantasy or another until one caught fire and I slowly and insistantly went too far with her in the backseat of her car, against her sincere protests.

Then I took her to bed and spanked her bottom just enough to be able to see traces in the morning. 

Funny.  In spite of the fun we had, we couldn't work anything out.  Sometimes people just want different things and all the yummy loving in the world can't make up for the differences.  Good thing we stopped in instead of just getting ourselves into a really painful situation months down the road.

Still though, I was looking forward to a summer of sweet hippie girl loving, tolerating Phish, someone to really give some serious massage loving too, smoking herb, deep deep kisses, and really magnificent blowjobs.  Too damn bad.

It was lonely telling anonymous and slightly dirty and too TMI to post where my friends couldn't read it over on Blogger.

Those posts are over there.

You're welcome to go read them. But this is a new thing. For 2006. The fire dog year. Cause I gotta get some of this shit out.